 |
Special Salty
City 2002 Bikelympic Preview
UtahMountainBiking.com is pleased to present this special preview of
the upcoming Salty City 2002 Bikelympics, to be held concurrently
with that other winter sports event in February 2002. Join us as we
review the events, and the leading contenders for the Titanium, Aluminum,
and Steel medals. |
| Downhill Slush Race |
|
 |
Running from the top of Traverse Ridge to the bottom of Hog
Hollow at speeds exceeding 60 kilometers per hour, the Downhill Slush
Race attracts the fastest slippery-bike athletes in the world.
A leading contender for the Titanium Medal is Chadinsky Runnamok from
Froezen, Russia. His aggressive riding style is supplemented by his custom
full-suspension bike, made lighter with a secret alloy called Drillium. |
 |
Great Britain is pinning its medal hopes on Matt
"Toothless" Slidingham, a strong and fearless rider from
Borehound in Burpingshire Province. Known for spectacular endos, Matt has
a good chance at the winners' platform if he can avoid the trees on this
high-speed downhill. |
 |
Enjoy the special "Helmet-cam" view during this
always-exciting event, sponsored exclusively by UtahMountainBiking.com. |
| Snow Bike Jump |
|
 |
One of the most dangerous of all Bikelympic events, the Snow
Bike Jump requires nerves of steel plus a light touch on the
handlebars. Perhaps because of its difficulty, this is one of the most
popular contests.
From Hijinksi, Finland, Mikii Blisterhiil is generally agreed to have
the best shot at the Titanium Medal. Mikii won the World Cup Bike Jump in
1998, but was sidelined in 2000 by an unfortunate mid-air collision with a
pine tree that broke 132 bones. |
 |
In the Snow Bike Jump event, points are deducted for
falling, swerving after landing, running over the dog, or wetting your
pants while approaching the jump.
Shown at the Pritchett Canyon games in 2000, Hunter Snottrickle of
Biblebelt, Arkansas, is a leading contender representing the United
States. |
| Bibikeathalon |
|
 |
Concerns about terrorism have led to a change in the format
of the Bibikeathalon. Instead of
stopping to shoot at a target, athletes will stop periodically along the
trail and tell a joke. Extra points are awarded for ethnic, religious, and
sexual offensiveness.
Brussarino Soslow of Grapestompi,
Italy, is high in the rankings. At a practice ride this winter, his joke
about the missionary, the tribal chief's daughter, and the sheep was so
offensive the snow melted under the spectators. |
 |
Gari Slippinslidi of Footfroest, Romania, has an excellent
chance at the medal. He's a tireless and strong rider. Unfortunately, the
new format of the Bibikeathalon may give him trouble. During the time
trials, Gari's accent prevented the judges from understanding several of
his knock-knock jokes. |
 |
The local favorite: On a practice run at his home near
Moosebutt, Utah, Engber Nadfrost is preparing to wow the Utah fans with
his special "local" jokes. How many Mormons does it
take to change a light bulb? Four. One for the opening prayer,
one to release the old light bulb with a vote of thanks, one to bless the
new bulb, and one to bring the lime jello. |
| Cross-country Snow Race |
|
 |
The Cross-country Snow Race is generally agreed to be
boring. But Americans are such couch potatoes, they'll watch anything.
Argyll Worstershire of Chillblain, Scotland, is expected to be among
the first to reach the finish line. But his arrival at the Bikelympics
isn't certain. A notorious cheapskate, Argyll hasn't yet picked up enough
beer cans for his air fare to Utah. |
 |
Fleeger Nasenpikker of Schiburg, Austria, is ranked among
the best in the world. In an exclusive UtahMountainBiking.com interview,
Fleeger said, "Ich werde die Amis ein echten arschkikken geben."
We're not sure what he said, but best of luck to you too, Fleeger. |
| Giant Slalom |
|
 |
On mountain bikes, the Giant Slalom is a much more
exciting event. Instead of wussy little colored poles, stout gambel oak
and maple form the slalom gates. Imagine the thrill of seeing an athlete
slide into a tree at 50 kilometers per hour.
Enrique Nozdrip of Froestbitte, France, almost won the 2000 event, but
was disqualified because his jacket was too loud. He's looking for revenge
this year. |
 |
Another thing that makes the bike slalom exciting:
Riders are sent out from the starting platform every two seconds, in the
hope that they'll slide into each other.
Here Dom d'Dominator of Argentina pursues an adversary around the
slalom course, on the way to his Aluminum Medal in 2000. |
| Ice Skating |
|
 |
While ice skating can occur anywhere on the trails of the
Bikelympics, the formal Ice Skating event takes place at South
Mountain. Weather permitting.
Here during the 2000 Bikelympics, Frigid Towz of Sweden loses points
for breaking through the ice. |
|
Thank you for joining us for this special Bikelympic
Preview.
See you in February. |
|
